Fooling myself?

Ok peeps. I need you. Am I just fooling myself about losing weight?
Should I stick with it?
I am not unhappy with my progress. 23 less pounds in 2011 is decent. At least it's better than doing anything.
But is it worth it?
Should I continue?
Can't I just be a big blob for the next few decades?
I have to admit I feel better when I go to the gym and I have been reading at the gym (and I am not a big reader-I would rather have a crochet hook in my hands).
I am so confused. Help me out will you?
If you are out there, will you let me know what you think? (About this and not random stuff. Ok random stuff would be ok also)

-23 pounds since starting
+198 days

29 days to 21st birthday and 167 to Leah's birthday - Graduation Complete

Is anyone there?

So I have been thinking. Said to self. Self, is anyone out there? I think you are out there. Checking in every once in a while. Reading along with me but who are you and what are you thinking?
So I ask you. Who are you? Where do you live? What do you want to know about me? Can you hear me?
On to the snapshot of the day. Worked out early this morning (8 miles on the bike), home for a shower and off to Crate and Barrel (got several amazing deals that you would be jealous of-seriously jealous), donated blood (got 2 gift cards for a quart of Oberweis ice cream and won a $100 gift card for gasoline), took a short nap, went to church tonight because Tom was worship leading, went grocery shopping, had dinner, walked dogs and now I am getting ready for bed. No wonder I am tired. Long but productive day. I also did some cleaning but not enough to actually write about.
Tomorrow morning I get on the scale and then off to the gym while Tom is at church. Looking forward to some quiet time.

-23 pounds since starting
+178 days

32 days to 21st birthday and 185 to Leah's birthday - Graduation Complete

Boo-Yah

The scale moved again. Yes in the right direction. Down another pound. Boo-yah (my daughter and son-in-law are in the US Navy so that word is used a lot in our family).

Some more happy news. I called our triple play carrier (yeah that one) and told them I was thinking of going to another carrier (I wasn't planning on it but I had thought about it). When they asked why I said because of cost. They lowered it from $125 to $109 and I asked them to remove the $3 monthly service protection. When I signed up for it 2 years ago it was cheaper to pay the monthly fee for a year than pay for one service call that I needed. Did I ever cancel it. No. I did yesterday. So with one phone call I saved $19 a month plus all the make believe taxes. So about 20 bucks a month. Boo-Yah.

Some more than more* happy news. I had an appointment with a second audiologist this afternoon. My parish nurse referred me to someone in the area that she has used before and I love her. Let me say it again. Love Her (said in a sing songy voice). She is a down to earth person with...wait for it...common sense. Such a  rarity these days. Prices are at least 50% less expensive than my first quote, no hearing test cost (yes you 'heard' me right), she offers a payment plan with no interest , no restocking fees and no other goofy made up stuff. I talk and she listens. She gets it. Her goal is to help me. I like that. Boo-Yah.
So all in all - good couple of days!

*More than more is a phrase Leah and I have used her whole life. She says I love you. I say I love you more. She says I love you more than more and I say 'you win' (in a happy voice)
-23 pounds since starting
+175 days

35 days to 21st birthday and 188 to Leah's birthday - Graduation Complete

Hallelujah the Scale has Moved

 Not much mind you but it has moved in the right direction. It is become quite comical. I look down at the digital scale and since the last number of my weight has been 5 for so long when it change to 4 I had to look at it for a full minute before it clicked that it was a 4 and not a 5. Then another minute to click that it went down a number which means I lost a pound. So this weekend the number changed from 4 to 3. I stare and think and stare again. A 3 huh? What does that mean? A 3 is not a 4. Yes it really says 3. So that means that it is not a 4 it is a 3 and 3 is less than 4 so I weigh 1 pound less than I did before. Huh. Who woulda thunk it. So yes I am looking at a 3 on the scale which means my number is now 22 less than it was before which in turns I weigh 22 pounds less than before. I like that.
The gym. I have noticed that when I walk at the gym I walk further and a little faster than before. When I ride the bike I go further and faster (I mix up the levels to get my heart rate up) and my new favorite thing to do. Read magazines while at the gym. I have many magazines that I really love but when I'm home I tend to pick up my crochet instead of a magazine and I am not talented enough to do both although I just read about a lady who knits while on the back of her husbands motorcycle. Seriously as I am not kidding you. Motorcycle. Some of us can't crochet or knit in the car yet alone on the back of a motorcycle. Hope he doesn't crash as I don't want to think about where the needles might end up.

-22 pounds since starting
+172 days

38 days to 21st birthday and 191 to Leah's birthday - Graduation Complete

Discouragement or Rejoicing

Well I am still at minus 21 pounds. It is a bit frustrating. I have been working out 4-5 times a week. My eating has been pretty good. Smaller portions and less junk food and sweets. I have been trying to eat healthy but I have not been a die hard about it.
So am I discouraged?
Yeah a bit. It has been almost 6 months. I am still heavy. I still have fat where I don't want it. I still look in the mirror and see to much of me.
However, I am 2 sizes smaller than I was. I am more toned and have more muscle, which we all know weighs more than fat, I look thinner and I feel much better with lots more energy. So I think I should rejoice. It may not be coming off as fast as I want but 21 pounds is still good and it is staying off. I think it staying off is the key. We will see how long I stay here. If it is longer than I wanted then oh well. Maybe I will lose 21 pounds every 6 months. It will take me longer to lose it but I am at peace with that. They say it is better to take it off slowly and I will be learning healthy habits along the way.
I went through my dresser drawers this week and tried on some capri's (from 2 summers ago) and workout pants that were to small. They all fit. I have 2 pairs of workout capri's and one pair of black capri's for the office. I gathered up my sweats that are to big (but really comfy) and gave them away.

-21 pounds since starting
+168 days

42 days to 21st birthday and 195 to Leah's birthday - Graduation Complete

Found the Answer!

So I was thinking and pondering and wondering why is it so hard to eat right lately? I think I have the answer. The kids are home. There are snacks and sweets everywhere. When it is just Tom and I and there is ice cream in the house, I make a choice not to eat it and it is still there in 3 days or a week when I may want some. Not so with teenagers around. Eat it now or it is gone. So I find myself eating things that I don't even want right now because if I wait it will be gone. Ummmm maybe I can just go to the store and get some more cereal or whatever if I want some and if we have run out. Duh.
So what have I done about it? Now that I have recognized the problem/pit/reason behind it.
I have started stacking the fridge with sugar free jello and sugar free pudding. I make it once a week (easy peasy) and put it in the little reusable containers. When I want something sweet I can start there. It usually satisfies my sweet tooth.
I should also be getting some fresh veggies and do the same thing. If I have them washed and ready to go then I will snack on them or bring them to work. I can't eat something healthy if I don't have it. I amaze myself with how smart I am.

-21 pounds since starting
+164 days

48 days to 21st birthday and 201 to Leah's birthday - Graduation Complete

Finding Time to Exercise is Getting Harder

I was doing so well going to the gym 5 times a week. Even with work, 2 dogs and a husband, I found the time. Enter 2 teenagers. Home from school for the summer. Both driving and both helping out with cooking and general errands. Then why is it getting harder to find the time?
Is it because the kids are only home for 9 more weeks before heading back to school and I want to spend time with them?
Is it because we have 4 drivers and not 4 cars so I have to (gasp) share?
Is it because it is summer and I don't like getting sweaty?
Is it because I am just plain lazy and I would rather stay at home and have a snack.

Maybe it is a little of all of those things. I like it when Leah and I go together even though we don't always actually work out together. I feel good when I go. I think it is time to stop thinking and start doing.
Isn't there a saying that it is not easy being beautiful. Well if that included exercising and eating right, they were right.

-20 pounds since starting
+151 days

48 days to 21st birthday and 214 to Leah's birthday - Graduation Complete

Mother Daughter Gym Time

I signed Leah up for the gym and we have gone 3 days together. She showed me how to use a few more machines and I liked them (as much as you can like an exercise machine). I also started something new on the treadmill. I walk a minute, run for 30 seconds, walk a minute, run for 30 seconds, repeat. It was not horrible. It was not easy. But I did it. My heart was getting a work out. I read an article that if you did this every day you would be running in a week. My plan is continue doing it and increasing my speed as I am able.
I also made a new friend. Her name is Stephanie. I made a positive comment about her using a machine that I can't use yet. She said she couldn't use it either a few months ago and that got the conversation going. She said she increases the difficulty (like speed or incline) and still does 20-30 minutes. I think that is good advice. I also found out that my neighbor is a member so maybe I can go with her sometime. Look at me. I have 5 potential work out buddies now and of course I can still go by myself.

-20 pounds since starting
+146 days

53 days to 21st birthday and 219 to Leah's birthday - Graduation Complete

First Milestone Met-Goal Met?

Graduation was wonderful. Toms parents, his brother and family and my mom made the trek to MO for this wonderful celebration. Saint Paul Lutheran High School in Concordia, MO really know how to put on an event. Baccalaureate was wonderful. Graduation was wonderful. The lunch in between was wonderful. So welcoming. I also got to meet some of the parents of students that I have not met before. For instance, Michelle from Taiwan. She has stayed with us a few times and she is the sweetest thing you will ever meet. Her mom and dad were there. So proud and gracious. It was wonderful to meet them even with the language barrier. The graduates gave roses to people and I got one from Joshua and one from Michelle. Leah got 2 from seniors whom she is friends with. The teachers had armloads. So special.
So this was the first milestone of my journey. Did I fail because I only lost 20 pounds and I wanted to lose 25-30? Nope. No failure. I am watching what I eat but have not been militant about it. 20 pounds is good.

I am still working out and drinking water and that is all good. I honestly think I can do another 20 pounds by KellyAnn's 21st birthday (the baby is due 11 days after that). It's 3 months away and it is summer time. I always do better with eating fresh veggies and fruit and exercising more in the summer months. So there you have it. 20 pounds in 3  months is 7 pounds a month and they are long months. Not like wimpy February with only 28 days. I am going to need all 31 days in May, July and August and I can deal with June being only 30 days. I am ready. And really if you are honest with yourself that is half the battle.


-20 pounds since starting
+141 days

58 days to 21st birthday and 224 to Leah's birthday - Graduation Complete

20 pounds - Finally

I get on the scale twice a week.
It sat on -19 pounds for at least a month. I think it was more like 6 weeks to 2 months. It felt like forever and at times I got discouraged. But then I took a deep breath and said to myself 'self, you are 19 pounds less than you were in 2010 and you are keeping it off, you are exercising more and eating healthier'. So I get on the scale on Sunday and I had to look twice. Finally, finally, finally it moved that one more pound and I can officially say I have lost 20 pounds.
Is it coming off as quickly as I would like. Of course not. But it is coming off. I like that part. Down 2 pant and dress sizes. Got rid of a bunch of things I don't like or are to big and bought myself a couple of pairs of shoes that I feel sassy in. I wanted to feel good and I wanted to feel sexy and my shoes help me do that. My foot size has not changed in 30 years so I figured I could wear these for the next few years no matter what size I am.
The other huge thing I have noticed is that I can sleep on my stomach without waking up with a back ache. I don't sleep like that all night like I did when I was younger (like 18) but I can do it for a while and sleep so soundly when I do. I think it is because my muscles are getting stronger.
What do you guys think?

20 pounds since starting
+134 days

3 days to Graduation, 65 days to 21st birthday and 231 to Leah's birthday

Went to the Audiologist 2 weeks ago -UGH

I didn't know I had a problem with my hearing. I misheard words, used subtitles with sound when I could and said 'I'm sorry I didn't hear you' far more than I realized.  I got my hearing checked about 10 years ago because some things were mumbled and I could not listen on the phone with my left ear. No matter where I placed it I could never have a conversation on the phone with that ear. They said my hearing was fine and my right ear was weaker than my left. HUH? Ummm ok you're the professional.
Fast forward to Spring 2007 and I had some ongoing low ringing going on and most of the time it felt like I was on an airplane. I had been in a car accident 3 months before and although I just thought it was pressure (like an ear infection or full sinuses) I wanted to be sure. The car accident happened in my husbands 1993 Corvette and the back windshield shattered into a million pieces about 3 inches away from my ears. So I went to a new ear guy, co-worker recommended him, and he said it was sinus pressure, have some meds. No ear damage from the car accident. Ummm ok you're the professional.
Since then, yes 4 years, it still feels like I am on an airplane. There is usually background humming so I tend to wear my ear buds and play music so the dull hum doesn't drive me completely batty. I said completely-be nice. My family looks at me like I am insane (I said be nice).
For example: my husband was telling me a news story and he said 'shocker' I heard 'shot her' and wanted to know why someone would shoot her. He says he will miss my 'creative hearing'. A month ago a co-worker was walking back and forth waiting for a ride to a meeting. He kept saying 'I have a meeting in Dubai at nine and am not going to make it'. I asked him to say that again, knowing I heard wrong. He said it again, I asked him to repeat. By the fourth time I was looking straight at him and still did not get a different answer. I then asked his PA what he was saying and she said 'he had a meeting in Dwight at nine'. Ohhhh that makes sense.
So I go to a new audiologist that my co-worker recommended and found out that I indeed have a hearing problem and shocker it is uncommon. I can not hear low tones. Men's voices are difficult which makes sense as I am constantly mishearing the guys in the office (I thought they just mumbled). I also tend to get books on tape that women read. I loved George Bush's newest book but I was constantly rewinding and playing a section over. The doctor said I compensate well. I  knew that but didn't know I was doing it. I watch peoples faces, use subtitles, use IM in the office instead of talking over the cubicle as I usually can't hear what they are saying, started withdrawing from social scenes (like bridal and baby showers) and pretty much hid out from school functions, sporting events and dinner with friends. There is just to much competing noise. OK not completely, but when I did go I would smile and nod and agree with people. This did backfire on Easter morning when I asked my 16 year old to fill out the attendance card form church and she said something so I said thank you (I couldn't see her face). Four teenagers turned to me and said 'she said she doesn't have the form to fill out'. Oh. Here take mine and thank you.
I just assumed this is how life would be. I am 42 years old and way to young to be withdrawing from social situations. The scary part is that after my appointment I was waiting at the train tracks and saw the lights and gates and felt the rumble but didn't hear the low whistle. I never realized I couldn't hear it. I thought I heard it because of the other warning signals. I grew up around train tracks and knew 4 things happened. Lights, Gates, Rumble of train coming and the Whistle. So when I experienced the other 3 I filled in the blank.
So I am a candidate for hearing aids. I don't have an issue with wearing them even though I am pretty sure I will get teased (which I think is unfair as we usually don't tease people with glasses or walkers). What I have an issue with is the price. Even after insurance pays some, it is still a chunk of change. If it was someone else I would say 'do it' but it is much harder to do that for yourself. I am very thankful for my husband who has been very supportive with this newest health struggle and also for his leadership in getting me these things so I can hear the whole conversation and all the words. Who knew?
By the way the audiologist is evil. She put the hearing aids in my ears , adjusted them and then gasp had a conversation with me. It was like when you are at a car dealer and they have you sit in the car to discuss if you want to buy it. Uhhh yes! These little tiny wonders were amazing. She turned on background noise like a restaurant and I could still hear the conversation with her. I made a point of staring at the wall so I would not cheat by looking at her lips and facial expressions. It was like when you try on glasses and things look crisper. Amazing. I thought about asking all of my friends for $10 so I can afford these miracle workers. What do you think?

20 pounds since starting
+133 days

4 days to Graduation, 66 days to 21st birthday and 232 to Leah's birthday

Graduation is around the corner

I can not believe it is less then one week until Joshua's high school graduation. I started on this journey 130 days ago and have made small strides. I know that the 'lifestyle' changes are the hardest and the weight will come off with time. I am eating healthier, exercising, not drinking soda, etc...
So now I am ready to kick it up a notch. Well actually a couple of notches. My health plan through work is offering a cash incentive to encourage us to live a healthier life. Up to $250 bucks. I have until the end of the year but I am starting after graduation. The plan offers dollar amounts for having a check up, exercising, eating healthier, quit smoking, participating in online webinars, stress management and speaking with health professionals. This is exactly what I needed. I have some pieces of my overall health that is unravelling and I really need to put on the big girl panties and deal with it. My spouse is also eligible for this program and he will be joining me. Money talks even if it is in the form of gift cards (that I can use for Christmas gifts or buy myself some new clothes)

-20 pounds since starting
+133 days

4 days to Graduation, 66 days to 21st birthday and 232 to Leah's birthday

I Made My Lists and Checked it Twice

Don't ask me if I have been naughty or nice. If you have met me you know the answer (it's both).
There is something very freeing about writing it down. My brain is able to release it. With so much going on and so many things to remember I was becoming a little bit scatterbrained. I said becoming and a little (be nice).
Sometimes it isn't even about forgetting something, but about thinking you forgot something. If I write it down and scratch it off I am able to see if I have done it or not and let's face it- it is so fun to cross it off your list.
I don't have any issues with the perfection of getting it all done. Instead I am proud of myself for getting 2, 5, or 10 things off my list of 20. Then I start with a new list after the weekend and so on. To be honest I have many lists. How many lists? Well I have....9. Yes. I know. But there is a lot going on and I needed many categories. So, I have 9 and I now feel I have a game plan. I know what needs to be done and when it needs to be done. I know what I need to do for Joshua's graduation (what I need to bring to MO and what I can buy down there). I know what I need from the grocery stores that I go to regularly and when I am going to do it. I know what bills are due and when I am going to pay them and so on and so on and so on.
Now if I could just get up the energy to get going - lol.

-19 pounds since starting
+114 days

24 days to Graduation, 86 days to 21st birthday and 253 to Leah's birthday

Goals and Random Thoughts

I have been stuck on 19 pounds for what seems like forever.
Originally I wanted to cut down the soda intake (even though it was diet) and instead I have cut it out completely. That's a good thing for my wallet and waistline. I am still exercising quite a bit and eat pretty well. I am still eating a lot less sweets but have not cut them out completely. And my weight has stayed where it has been. My clothes are much looser and I am more flexible but I want more of this excess insulation to come off.
My meal planning and grocery shopping have gone out the window this month. It seems we have been extra busy in April. I think I need to get back to lists. I love lists. I mean I love, love, love lists. In my dream world they are color coded and everything has it's own piece of pretty paper and my handwriting looks like a calligrapher's. My style is closer to a crayon on a napkin.
I think this is my goal for tonight. Make lists of: groceries, chores, bills to pay, when to work out, Joshua graduation plans (in MO no less) etc., etc., etc. (insert voice of the King and I). I just have to find my journal. I have a t least three. I use exactly zero. But I buy them and have them because they are so pretty and I will use my pretty pens. They make me smile. And if I make a mistake I am not going to worry about pretty or perfect or even pretty perfect, I am just going to do it. I'll be back tomorrow morning to let you know how it goes and to let you know if the scale has moved.

-19 pounds since starting
+113 days

25 days to Graduation, 87 days to 21st birthday and 254 to Leah's birthday

Easter Break - Kids are Coming Home

The kids are coming home from St Paul Lutheran High School, the best boarding school ever, tomorrow after classes. I have to begin by saying that it is always a joy when they come, especially after such a long time. They were last home at Christmas.
Tom and I went down for a weekend in February to watch their basketball games and I went down for a weekend to see the Spring play (Joshua had a lead). They like to bring students home on breaks.
Usually it is an international (or 2 or 3 or 4) who stays with us. The rule in our house has always been 'you can bring home as many as you can legally put in the car'. The most we had was over Thanksgiving 2 years ago. Four teenage boys from Norway and two from Spain. Let's just say it was very different than our usual guests from Taiwan or Korea. Asian girls are much smaller than Eastern European boys. Nonetheless they all stayed in Joshua's room and our Internet did not crash (10 people and 7/8 computers). I believe that this trip Anna and Mats (Norwegians) are coming this trip. They usually spend a day downtown Chicago (they take the train) and the rest of the time visiting with all the friends from here. It will be loud. The dishwasher, the shower and laundry will be running the whole time but it will be a blast. They will leave on Monday morning and the time that they were here will be over in a blink of an eye. The bright side to all the noise and commotion? They stay up so late they don't get up very early so I have quiet time in the morning and if I start to go really crazy I can go to the gym and sweat off some stress. I just may lose a few pounds - lol.

-19 pounds since starting
+105 days

33 days to Graduation, 95 days to 21st birthday and 262 to Leah's birthday

1 Day x 100= 100 Days Down

Yesterday was the 100th day since starting my new weigh of thinking.
Whenever I see a 100 day anything I can't help but think of Kindergarten 100 day celebrations. I think every school does these. On the 100th day of school they have a party. The kids make/bring in 100 of something. Sometimes it is pennies taped to cardboard in the shape of 100 or candies or something really creative. I am a hands off homework kind of mom which has served me well for the most part but let's be fair. There is only so much a 5 year old can do by themselves. I give Leah credit for reminding me, nicely asking, reminding again and encouraging me to help her with this project. The day before the project and time was running out we decided to make 10 paper chains of 10 chains a piece and staple them to a straw hat that she wore. I love my little girl (who is now 16 and driving). Very creative and she didn't even roll her eyes at her mom. She is such a good sport. She knows I love her but I don't do very motherly things. She obviously loves me for me and not my mothering skills (dad cooks and does laundry).
 Let me give you a final example. Leah was in Brownies. She had a zillion patches and the pile kept growing. When KellyAnn was in Brownies I fabric glued them to the sash. It was ok but not great so I wasn't going to do that again. Leah chose a vest. The first year in the parade and her little vest had 0 -zero- badges on it. They were in a pile at home. The second year-0-zero patches on the vest. The third year the troop leader (who I have since become friends with) told Leah that she could not march in the parade unless her badges were on her vest. To quote a favorite movie line "Nobody puts baby in the corner".  I did NOT take that news well. Anyone who has met me knows NOT to challenge me. You want her badges on the vest. You tell my 8 year old she can't march with her troop. Well I will put the badges on the vest (Dianne style) and so I did. Put them all in a baggie and stapled them on the back of her vest. And my darling daughter marched in the parade with her friends. The troop leader was not amused. I think she has since learned to be more specific. Perhaps not.

-19 pounds since starting
+101 days

37 days to Graduation, 98 days to 21st birthday and 265 to Leah's birthday

Grandma finds out baby gender

Our oldest daughter and son-in-law are expecting our first grandchild. She is due August 29 (eleven days after her 21st birthday). They had an appt. scheduled for yesterday and found out the gender. She told me she would post it on facebook so we would all know and I calmly explained that she could call or text me so I,

a) will be the first to know (or second if they tell other grandma first which is ok in my book)

b) won't find out with the world on facebook

c) will be the first to know

She agreed to call before posting it publicly. She thought she would be calling sometime between noon and 2:00pm. Ok dokie. Until I have to run an errand from 11:15-11:45am and realized they are on the EAST coast which means they are a time zone ahead. UGH. I text her, figuring she would have to look at her phone before calling me. Hopefully it was off or on silent. So my message said 'running an errand be back in 30'.

I get a phone call on my cell 15 minutes later with my lovely daughter laughing at me. "Mommy, it's not like I am in labor or anything" so I calmly explain that I didn't want her leaving it on the machine at home or something. She said that she would not do that and she would have called my cell if no one answered at home. Call me silly but I didn't want to take the chance. Better to state what I want so there is no confusion. So she told me they are having a girl. They had boy names picked out so now they will begin the process of selecting girl names. The baby weighs about 11 ounces (less than 3 sticks of butter) and is healthy. Craig was on the phone at the same time telling his mom. Being the grandma's should have some privileges. 

 -19 pounds since starting

+99 days

38 days to Graduation, 99 days to 21st birthday and 266 to Leah's birthday

Dietrich Bonhoeffer Book-Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy

Last week I went to see author Eric Metaxas and was thoroughly impressed with him as a speaker and writer. He made history interesting and easy to read. Who would have thought? Here are a couple of reviews. I am not an avid reader but I have started this one and am enjoying it. Anyone out there read it? Thoughts?

From Publishers Weekly: In this weighty, riveting analysis of the life of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Metaxas (Amazing Grace) offers a comprehensive review of one of history's darkest eras, along with a fascinating exploration of the familial, cultural and religious influences that formed one of the world's greatest contemporary theologians. A passionate narrative voice combines with meticulous research to unpack the confluence of circumstances and personalities that led Germany from the defeat of WWI to the atrocities of WWII. Abundant source documentation (sermons, letters, journal entries, lectures, the Barman Declaration) brings to life the personalities and experiences that shaped Bonhoeffer: his highly intellectual, musical family; theologically liberal professors, pastoral colleagues and students; his extensive study, work, and travel abroad. Tracing Bonhoeffer's developing call to be a Jeremiah-like prophet in his own time and a growing understanding that the church was called "to speak for those who could not speak," Metaxas details Bonhoeffer's role in religious resistance to Nazism, and provides a compelling account of the faith journey that eventually involved the Lutheran pastor in unsuccessful attempts to assassinate Hitler. Insightful and illuminating, this tome makes a powerful contribution to biography, history and theology.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

''In Hitler's Germany, a Lutheran pastor chooses resistance and pays with his life. . . Eric Metaxas tells Bonhoeffer's story with passion and theological sophistication, often challenging revisionist accounts that make Bonhoeffer out to be a 'humanist' or ethicist for whom religious doctrine was easily disposable. . . Metaxas reminds us that there are forms of religion -- respectable, domesticated, timid -- that may end up doing the devil's work for him. --Wall Street Journal

''In this weighty, riveting analysis of the life of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Metaxas offers a comprehensive review of one of history's darkest eras, along with a fascinating exploration of the familial, cultural, and religious influences that formed one of the world's greatest contemporary theologians. A passionate narrative voice combines with meticulous research. . . Abundant source documentation brings to life the personalities and experiences that shaped Bonhoeffer…Insightful and illuminating, this tome makes a powerful contribution to biography, history, and theology.'' --Publishers Weekly

''A welcome new biography of one of the twentieth century's leading lights. Metaxas magnificently captures the life of theologian and anti-Nazi activist Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-1945), who 'thought it the plain duty of the Christian-and the privilege and honor-to suffer with those who suffered.' In the finest treatment of the man since Eberhard Bethge's Dietrich Bonhoeffer: Man of Vision, Man of Courage (1970), Metaxas presents a complete, accessible picture of this important figure, whose story is inspiring, instructive, and international in scope. . . Metaxas rightly focuses on his subject's life, not his theology, though readers will learn plenty about his theology as well. The author makes liberal use of primary sources, which bring Bonhoeffer and other characters to vivid life. For the most part, Metaxas allows this epic story to play itself out, unhindered by commentary; where he does add his own voice, the conclusions are sage. A definitive Bonhoeffer biography for the twenty-first century.'' --Kirkus Reviews (starred review) --This text refers to the Audio Cassette edition.

-19 pounds since starting
+98 days

39 days to Graduation, 100 days to 21st birthday and 267 to Leah's birthday

42 years old today!

So 42 years ago today it was Easter Sunday. My mother was in labor and my brother and sister (11 and 8 years old) waited anxiously for the news of a brother or sister. Now before you get all sentimental and awww isn't that sweet, what they really wanted to know was who was getting there own room. My father had finished the upstairs into a small and large bedroom and a half bath. Each of them wanted the smaller room for themselves. My brother won and my sister got stuck with me. Not right away but once I was old enough to be out of the crib on the main floor, I moved upstairs.
I think this is a bit unfair. They each had a chance to have their own room but I never had that chance. No matter what gender I ended up being (female for those roflyao at me) I would always have a room mate. Well until they moved out, as they are much older than me.
My birthday has only fell on Easter one other year. When I was 11. It cycles every 11 years, at least it user to. 1980, 1969, 1958, 1947, 1936, 1925, 1914 then something went wonk-ie. It won't fall on Easter until the year 2042. I will be 73 and I am going to have a huge party. You are all invited. So that is why I consider myself an Easter baby and why each Easter I feel it is my birthday. More than today anyway.

-18 pounds since starting
+94 days

43 days to Graduation, 133 days to 21st birthday and 271 to Leah's birthday

Birthday Coupns

I love coupons. I am a coupon queen. Ask anyone that knows me. Not an extreme couponer like the tv show but if you need something I will find the cheapest way to get it.
A few months before my 40th birthday I decided to sign up for every birthday coupon I could find. Red Robin, Bennihana, Houlihans, Baskin Robins, Culvers, Cold Stone Creamery, JC Penney, Sephora, Vera Bradley, Victoria Secret, a local greenhouse, Aveda, DSW, Ruby Tuesdays, Qdoba, TGIF, etc...
Most of these birthday coupons come by email but a few come in the mail. Do I use them all? Nope. A few I throw away (especially if they are only good for 2 weeks and I don't get there) but who cares? So I put the coupon in the recycle bag. No biggie. Most are good for the whole month though so I can work it into my schedule.
I have a method to my madness. I sort them by location and use. Victoria Secret is at the same mall as Vera Bradley, Aveda and Sephora so I will make my rounds and use them all at once. I am not sure about the freebies at Aveda (I have not been there before) but I figured I could put the travel size in my overnight bag, give it to a friend or donate to the local shelter (always looking for travel size personal hygiene items).
Last Thursday I went to Houlihans for dinner. Tom has praise team on Thursdays so I knew I had time to just take my time and enjoy. I asked the waitress how the birthday coupon worked and she said that I could order anything and if it was over $15 I would pay the difference. She mentioned that Thursdays were surf and turf so if I ordered any of the steaks it came with a 5 ounce lobster tail, asparagus and my choice of potato. I got the 9 ounce steak so I paid the $3 difference and tipped on the full price of the meal. I usually don't eat out by myself but I enjoyed the experience. I felt like a food critic. Taking my time and enjoying each bite. It was nice to take some time for me.
Tom and I went to Red Robin yesterday and I had my birthday burger. We don't go out often but since we were only paying for his we decided to make it a date. It was a late lunch/early dinner, then church (he was worship leader this weekend) then home to veg out a little. I started and finished a fun crochet scarf.
I am really looking forward to Bennihani. If you only sign up for one, this is the one. I will be going one night after work and am really looking forward to it. Thirty dollars for the birthday person. I have not been before but am pretty sure it will be awesome.
So go online and sign up for birthday coupons. Just google free birthday coupon or go to your favorite store and fill in the birthday field.

-18 pounds since starting
+91 days

46 days to Graduation, 136 days to 21st birthday and 274 to Leah's birthday

Birthday Genes - I Mean Jeans

I am having a birthday in 5 days. One of the department stores I frequent sent me a birthday coupon for $15 off of anything. I was also able to use the current store coupon with my birthday coupon so I went shopping for jeans. I was wearing the same 2 pair of jeans but they were getting pretty saggy. If I wore them straight out of the wash I would be ok but if I wore them more than once they looked horrible and I had to keep pulling them up (yay for our team). So I went, tried on, and bought a pair 2 sizes smaller than the ones I had been wearing. They look good and are really comfortable and did I mention they were $5? Yup. After the 20% off and the $15 off they were 5 bucks. Woohoo!

-18 pounds since starting
+89 days

48 days to Graduation, 138 days to 21st birthday and 276 to Leah's birthday

Busyness of Life

When did life get so busy?
I guess a better question is: When wasn't it busy? When you were dating that special someone there is never enough time between work/school and your one true love. When you have little ones you think life can not get any busier with all the feedings, diapers, laundry, housework, meals and maybe a little spare time for your spouse and a nap, forget about it. Maybe if you have one child but if you have two it is next to impossible (unless you watch a movie with them and doze off). When the kids get a little bigger you are chasing them around the house, yard and park. When they are even bigger you are driving them everywhere. Not an overstatement. It's a fact. A friend of mine does not have children but there was a stretch (like years not days or months) of time she was driving her niece and nephew everywhere. And don't even get me started on the homework. I was fortunate to be very hands off when it comes to homework but I know many parents who are up to their eyeballs in homework.

When they say time does not stand still they hit the nail on the head. It does not stand still. We chase after it with the same zeal as chasing a firefly when we were still single digits. I remember waiting for dusk so that I could chase the fireflies. I am not sure why I thought it was fun. I didn't want to touch them. I am not a very 'naturey' person but I loved it. When they were to high to reach or when they landed on the grass- that was the best. Getting the glass jar and putting holes in the lid so they could breathe. Good times. Good times.

It may not stand still but we all (from the President to your boss to you) have the same 24 hours in the day. How will you spend yours? Take a nap once in a while, chase some fireflies or simply give your friends and family a hug. I promise (pinky promise) you will be glad you did.

-18 pounds since starting
+88 days

49 days to Graduation, 139 days to 21st birthday and 277 to Leah's birthday

Good Weekend

I had a good weekend. Got some cleaning done. Got some shopping done. Went to a baby shower. Took a nap. Folded some laundry. Watched a movie (Sideways-that is the name not how I watched it). Crocheted a bit.
Did you notice that work out was not on the list? Yeah, I did too. I made good food choices but did not make it to the gym. I have some stressful situations going on so I have not been in the mood to work out. This week I am telling myself to take my stress out on the treadmill, bike and elliptical. I know it will help me feel better. I am going to use my stress in a productive way.
PS My baby girl (Leah) got her drivers license today and my oldest (KellyAnn) felt the baby kick for the first time last week. Maybe things are turning around? Maybe.

-18 pounds since starting
+84 days

53 days to Graduation, 143 days to 21st birthday and 281 to Leah's birthday

Feeling UGLY

Feeling big, ugly and stupid. Maybe it is the weather. It has been gray and overcast with rain.
We had a dinner auction to go to and I was wondering what to wear. I thought it would be a good chance to wear my 'mother of the bride' dress again. I was a bit nervous to try it on since I had not worn it in 16 months. I know I have lost 18 pounds but I don't know what I weighed when I wore it. Well... I tried it on and it fit comfortably.
We went to the dinner auction and I was dressed nicely (even shaved my legs). Hair and nails were looking good (even though I did them myself) and I had a crocheted wrap that I made myself (it just happen to match the dress and I could use it to cover any cleavage that tried to pop out. We had a good time but when I looked in the mirror I just kept seeing this stuffed whale. My face felt fat. My arms felt fat. My tummy for sure felt fat.
I don't know why. I had not over eaten. Slowly chewing and enjoying the meal. I had 3 glasses of water and 3 glasses of wine.
Maybe it was the wine. Maybe that is where the Negative Nelly was coming from. I am not usually a wine drinker. If I have a glass a month that is a lot. I don't like these feelings of ugliness. I wish they would go away.
PS: The feeling stupid part is because hubby and I fought on the way home about really really stupid stuff (like me putting his empty glass in the dishwasher because I thought it was helpful and he was mad because he was going to use it again) and when we fight I feel like a complete idiot.

-18 pounds since starting
+78 days

59 days to Graduation, 149 days to 21st birthday and 287 to Leah's birthday

Inspiration

When I began this journey I knew I wanted to do write about it. I thought back to the movie Julie and Julia and the thought of an interactive blog appealed to me. I am thoroughly enjoying the process but would love for it to be more interactive.

• What are you thinking?
• What are you struggling with?
• What topics would you like to explore? 
• What questions do you have?

Come on baby, hit me with your best shot.

-17 pounds since starting
+71 days

66 days to Graduation, 156 days to 21st birthday and 294 to Leah's birthday

Falling Off the Wagon

Tom and I had dinner at his parents house this weekend. His brother and his family were there as well and a good time was had by all. We had a pork roast, mashed potatoes (small portion), asparagus and applesauce (small portion). The we had dessert. German chocolate cake. Oh oh. My downfall. Do I have a small piece? No. Do I have just one piece? No. I had one and a half pieces. And it was only ok. Not the best. A little dry and the frosting was lacking. Did that stop me? No. I still ate it.
When we got home, my sweet tooth was not satisfied so I went to the freezer and got 2 dove chocolates with peanut butter (one inch square each) and a tootsie roll sized chocolate, carmel, crunch kind of thing. I was really looking for ice cream. Thank heavens we didn't have any. I would have eaten a BIG bowl. I am surprised my stomach isn't doing flips. I have not had this much sugar in a long time. I am not even sure why I wanted them. I think I wanted sugar free pudding but didn't have any made. And let's face it. It would have taken 5 whole minutes to make some and I was just to lazy. How sad is that? On the agenda for tonight. Workout at 5:15pm with my buddy and make some pudding when I get home. I usually make three different flavors so I am set for the week and will have something ready to eat when I am craving something sweet. Hey that rhymes.

-17 pounds since starting
+70 days

67 days to Graduation, 157 days to 21st birthday and 295 to Leah's birthday

Time Change Weekend

I have been thinking, a stretch for those who know me. For most of the country, this weekend is the time change. So if I work out on Sunday morning at 2:04am for 30 minutes then it counts as 1 hour and 30 minutes. I like this way of thinking. Of course if I take it one step further and walk for a mile or 2 in those 30 minutes it will sound pretty pathetic that it took me 90 minutes to walk 2 miles.
Hmmm. Not to mention that I would have to be up, awake and moving at 2:00am. Can't over sleep or I will miss the whole thing.
OR I could wake my husband at 2:00am and kiss him on the lips and see where it leads. Then he can brag to all of his friends what a man he is and say things like "an hour and 10 minutes baby". OK, he would never say that but it is funny.
I better think long and hard about this. (Play Jeopardy theme song in your head). Yup. Pretty sure it is not going to happen. Let me know what you will be doing for one less hour.

-17 pounds since starting
+67 days

70 days to Graduation, 160 days to 21st birthday and 298 to Leah's birthday

Time With the Kids

 I drove to Missouri on Friday to visit the kids for the weekend. It was the Spring play and Joshua had the male lead. It was good. 'Cocktails with Mimi' was the title for those interested. It was a good visit. I got to school in time to take Leah for her driving test, which she was not able to get (long story) but did have a nice time with her in the car.
After the play Leah was busy helping with a junior high lock in so I had some time with Joshua in the evening. He left around 10pm to spend some time with friends who were town for a wedding. I read some magazines and a book, watched a little tv and went to bed. Slept like a rock until 10:00am the next morning which I never do but it felt so good. Joshua, his buddy and I went to lunch and to the store to get a few things. I went back to my room and Joshua drove his buddy back to their hotel for the wedding. By then Leah was up (she stayed up all night and then slept from 8am-2pm) so I took her to get some lunch (no I didn't eat again) and to the store to get a few things (yes the same store). Back to my room where we were going to watch a movie but fell asleep for a nice afternoon nap. Woke up in time for the play.
Afterwards, Leah went back to her room and I watched a movie until Joshua came back after the cast party. Joshua and I started to watch 'Finding Nemo', which I have never seen, but we fell asleep. Took the kids out for breakfast on Sunday morning and then headed home. I did stop at a fabulous yarn shop in Columbia, MO on my way home and had a blast. Got home about 7pm, read the mail and the ads and back to work today.
Tonight I am working out after 4 days off. It seems like a whole lot more than just 4 days. I wonder if legs will remember how to move?

-16 pounds since starting
+63 days

74 days to Graduation, 164 days to 21st birthday and 302 to Leah's birthday

Feeling Good About Myself

I cleaned out my closet the other day. I had some jeans that I knew were to big and some tops that either were to big or I don't like. Why should I keep something that doesn't make me smile when I put it on? I looked at ever piece of clothing and made the conscious decision to keep or give away. I kept the clothes I like. I put the seasonal items in the back of the closet and the ones for now, towards the front. I had 3 or 4 pairs of capris that were to big last summer so I put those in the give away bag. I did find several pairs of capris and shorts in several sizes (all to small) so I placed those in a clear container that fits under my bed along with about 5 shirts that will be good for this summer. When summer rolls around I will try them on. They may fit and they may not fit and maybe I won't like them at all. I will decide then what to do with them.
I had 2 big bags of giveaways and remembered that our church and school is having a resale on March 18-19 so I brought them to church with me on Sunday. What is it about looking through all your clothes and making a choice of what to keep and what to give away is so empowering. It was sort of like shopping for a new wardrobe in my own house (and economically friendly). They say you wear 20% of your wardrobe 80% of the time so why should I have a stuffed closet of things that I don't like? I challenge you to go shopping in your closet and see what treasures you find. Let me know if you find something fabulous or something that makes you feel like a million bucks.
By the way. It only took an hour. I turned up the music, got busy and was done before I knew it.

+58 days since starting
-16 pounds since starting

79 days to Graduation, 169 days to 21st birthday and 307 to Leah's birthday

8 Week Checkup

Who knew when I made goals I would continue to try and achieve them?
My usual modis operandi (Greek for mode of operation or m.o.) is to jump in with both feet, get cold,  bored and jump out. I am an all in or all out type of person so when I get tired of something I am all out. It is something I need to continue to work on.

Let's review - The goal's are:
75 pounds gone from my body- 30 pounds by Graduation- 20 more pounds by 21st birthday - 75 by Leah's birthday - Doing well so far and still on track. I would really like to kick this number up to 95 pounds but I don't know if that is to much pressure or if I should just wait until I get to my goal of 75 pounds and then make a new goal. What do you think out there in cyber world?
eat healthy food - Doing well so far and still on track. Smaller portions and healthier choices
exercise 3 times a week - Doing well (usually it 4-5 times a week)
cut down on soda (one a day and none at a sit down restaurant) - Doing well. I have cut out soda completely since the beginning and was tempted to take it off my list since I have not had any but then I thought about it and I would forget it was a goal and slowly slip it back into my routine.

+56 days since starting
-16 pounds since starting
81 days to Graduation, 171 days to 21st birthday and 309 to Leah's birthday

Choices I Make

I was thinking about control. I like to be in control. I like to think I am in control. Of course most of us know that God is in control. Not us. We do have free will, to do what we want, but absolute control is in God's hands.
I have control (free will) over what I eat, if I exercise, speed while driving, etc...
So I don't have many choices to make (I have to pay the bills, go to work, sleep, etc... or pay the consequences) but the choices I have I am going to make count.

• I will choose to be happy
• I will choose to hug my family when the occasion presents itself
• I will choose to give love freely
• I will choose to give much and expect little
• I will choose to worship the one true God
• I will choose to drink water and eat healthy food
• I will choose to take care of my body*

* Went to the eye doctor last night and discovered the reason for my dry eyes (and part of my vision problem) is clogged ducts. Seriously. What the heck is wrong with me? (Please don't send me your top ten things that are wrong with me.) Out of the things I need to fix on myself, I really didn't think that clogged ducts were on the list. So now I have a daily regimen (UGH) which includes many many steps twice a day. I am not happy about this (insert deep breath) but I made a choice to take care of my body so I will do what the doctor recommends, and my body will thank me for it.
+53 day    

- 14 weight

Spa Day on a Budget

Monday was a work holiday so I took the day to get errands done and to pamper myself. I had purchased a discounted gift certificate for a 55 minute massage and another for a 50 minute foot massage. I got them through Groupon. The massage was $39 and the foot massage was $15. I also wanted to get a mani/pedi so I called 8 nail places in my area and asked if they had a Monday special or a coupon I could use. By spending a few minutes on the phone I saved 20%. Well worth the time.
So my entire spa day cost me $87 not including tips. I really wanted to cleanse my system. On January 3, 2011 I stopped smoking and drinking soda. I started working out soon after that and I wanted to do something special for me. Would I rather have had a spa day at one place? Sure. But not for twice the price. I can go to a couple of different places for the savings. 
It was really really nice. My feet are soft and have pretty polish. My nails are nice and short and have pretty polish. My muscles are relaxed and I am heading to bed. Life doesn't get much better than this (when it comes to just me time-not family time which trumps all).
I did think about the expense as I have never done anything like this before. I have done bits and pieces but never all of them on the same day. It was a little easier on my budget because I bought the gift certificates at different times so my budget didn't take a hard hit all at once. I also rationalized that I am not spending $20 a week on fast food or $15 a week on cigarettes. So the occasional splurge is ok.
Back to real life. Work, paying bills (why do they have to come every month?) housework and working out. But you know what? I like my life.
+50 day    
- 12 weight

The Long and Short of It

My friend and I were on the treadmill the other day. I usually walk between 3mph and 3.6mph. I will start at 3mph and kick it up to 3.4 for a few minutes and then back down to 3mph. When I go 3.6 it is really tough to go more than a minute or two. I glance over at my friend who is walking 3.6mph and 3.8mph consistently. Don't get me wrong. She works hard as well. But why am I working just as hard and my heart rate is significantly higher and she goes faster and therefore further. It's not fair. Pout, pout, pout. I have been pouting for 5 weeks. I figured out the other day that she has much longer legs than I do. I am normal height but I have short legs. Always have, always will. She is a few inches taller than I am but her legs are proportionate to her height (lucky girl). I finally realized that she walks faster because she has longer legs and frankly does it really matter? It might if we were walking around a track or something as she would be further ahead of me, but on a treadmill? Duh. We are always even. I am going to keep doing what I am doing and she will keep doing what she does and that is ok.
Here are a couple of pictures. I was hesitant about sharing these as I look like s#*%.
One picture is from January 2 (thank you Michelle for making me be in this picture) and the other two were taken last week when we went down to see the kids at school (thank you Michelle for making me be in the picture).
Be kind to me. I am opening myself up here. Six weeks into this (when the pictures were taken).
Do we notice a difference? I guess the bigger question is: Does it matter?

 1/2/2011-Joshua, Tom, Michelle, Me, Leah                                           

 

+49 day    
- 12 weight

Jeans on Casual Friday

I tried on three pair or freshly laundered jeans that I own and wear. They all fit very nicely but I noticed one pair in particular that I have to wash and shrink after just one wearing. I wore these jeans to work today and looked good but by the end of the day they were loose.
Tom mentioned that they looked loose, baggy even (his words) and like a good wife I wanted to prove him right, so I pulled them straight down to my knees. No unbuttoning or unzipping, just pulled them down. Sorry if I gave you a visual, didn't mean to make you want to poke your eyes out, I just wanted to share that less than 2 months after starting this healthy lifestyle I can pull my pants down off my tummy and hips without unbuttoning.
These are the same pants that I could not always sit down in them comfortably and now they are to big. So I retired them to the top bunk in Leah's room where all of my to big clothes will gather until I am ready to get rid of them.
Tomorrow is weigh in day. I am nervous. I am not sure why but I am. I shouldn't be. I am fine if it stays the same. I don't think the number will go up (still doing well with eating and exercising) and if it does it will be like only one pound. Might go down. I don't know. I guess I will 'weight' and see. Get it? Weight. I am the funny one.

+47 day    
- 12 weight

One Marshmallow or Two?

There was a study of children, age 4, who were told that they could have one marshmallow now or two marshmallows later. They were left in a room with one marshmallow. What would you have done when you were a child? What would you do today?  It really does tell us a lot about ourselves. I would have had a tough time with the term 'later'. When exactly is later? Ten minutes, an hour, a day, a year? That answer would help me decide my answer. Ten minutes or even an hour. I could do that - I would wait. A day? Hmmm. A year? Not a chance. This way of thinking has helped me pass up the candy bar in the checkout line at the grocery store. Knowing that I would scarf it down on my way home and throw away the wrapper before walking in the door and not really enjoying it or (not and) I can wait until there is something that I would really like and enjoy. This past weekend we went to visit the kids and before the basketball game we had a soup/chili dinner at school. I had one bowl of chili and there were 3 big tables of desserts (and they had a lot of really good ones.) I looked them over. Ruled out the ones that looked like all sugar and carbs and settled on handmade cheesecake. I asked the nice lady behind the table if she could cut 1/3 of a larger piece for me and she obliged. Good choice on my part. Tom had the coconut cream pie and I mooched a half teaspoon (twice) of the rich filling. Yummy!
So how does this relate to other choices that we make? I know that when shopping with cash I give much more thought into my purchases than when I use the ever convenient credit card. I don't see those purchase consequences for a month. When trying to make good food choices, some times are a little easier than other times. If I know I am going out to dinner or perhaps a party of sorts, I will probably choose good things during the day so that I can have a bite or two of cake and a couple of hors d'ourves. I am becoming more thoughtful about my food choices. Because I am eating less I want to be happy with my choices. If I take a bite of something and it isn't good, I stop eating it. Why eat something I am not enjoying whereas before I would just finish it without thinking. Yeah for my team!
By the way: The children who did not eat the marshmallow when left alone scored (on average) 210 more points on the SAT college tests. There was no data on if they were overweight for eating two marshmallows later. If you would like to read more about this study I will provide the link. If you are not sure where the link is, go back a sentence and you will see it. Still need help. Go two sentences back and look for the underlined word that says 'link'. There you go. Good for you. Perseverance is a good thing.

+45 day    
- 12 weight

Valentines Day

It's valentines day and my 7 week anniversary of healthy life choices.
I woke up this morning realizing it was 22 years ago that Tom proposed (on bended knee with knee pads still on from volleyball) and 21 years ago I was pregnant with our first child. We had a blizzard (2/14/1990) and I had to leave the mustang in funeral home parking lot and take the train home where my hubby had a bubble bath waiting for me where I relaxed and warmed up while he made a lobster dinner. Good times. Good times.
Those were our first 2 Valentines together. Things changed quite a bit since then. Twenty years of staying home and having a simple meal, hanging out with the kids, and not doing much of anything. We just don't enjoy going to a super crowded restaurant or paying a lot for something we can have at home. We would rather spend 1/3 of the money on steak, potatoes and a fresh veggie at the store and make it ourselves (when I say make it ourselves, I mean Tom).
It use to bother me that we don't celebrate valentines day, our anniversary or my birthday with cards or gifts but I have realized that he spoils me most of the other 362 days a year. Everyday that he makes dinner or loads/unloads the dishwasher is another day of him showing his love for me.
We don't need no stinkin holiday to tell each other how we feel. We show each other every day by the little things that we do and say (and sometimes but why we do not say and do).
How about you. How did you spend valentines day?

+43 day    
- 11 weight

Giving More than Blood

Last week while sitting around the lunch table at work a co-worker mentioned how she was giving blood on Saturday. It got me thinking (darn those co-workers). Why don't I give blood more often? I give once a year at the annual HS drive but ummm never really thought about doing it more. Why not?
I was raised in a christian family who went to church every Sunday and I went to a Lutheran grade school from preschool-8th grade, where I was taught about time, talent and treasure . I am a caring and generous person (just ask me). I have raised my 3 children to think of others and to help when we can.
We do give of our time, talent and treasure but I never thought of giving blood as one of these.
I believe it is actually all three. It takes time to go to the facility and fill out the questionnaire and to give the actual blood. It takes talent. The definition of talent is "a special natural ability or aptitude".  My body has a talent to make more blood and it is actually healthy for your body to donate blood and create more. It takes treasure.  The definition of treasure is "Valuable or precious possessions of any kind". I need it to live. Others need it to live. If you or a loved one has ever needed blood you understand what a treasure it truly is.
So I decided to give blood. I went to the website and signed up to give blood at least 4 times this year. I made an appointment for me. While I was at the website I also signed up for a donation date for me and my two teenagers for when they are home from school. Maybe it will become a family thing?

+36 day    
- 11 weight

Beads in a glass?

I counted out as many beads as I was pounds (when I started) and put them in a pretty see through glass. For each pound I have lost I put them in a different glass. It helps me visualize the loss and also see that while any loss is good it is not a big deal. You should see those 11 sad beads all alone in glass.
I was also thinking about those people who have a hard time getting on the scale or seeing the scale go down. Perhaps it is because, like so many, we have in the past put the weight back on. Seeing the scale number go down is almost like a tease because we know it will go back up in a month or a year (it has for most of us and why would this time be different)? Stinkin thinkin. For those who have played a video poker or slot machine knows the thrill when you put in one and 'win' back five, but usually we keep playing and end up for a loss. Sound familiar?
So here is my thought. Lets say I started my healthy living style on January 3, 2011 and I was (for arguments sake) 255 pounds and lets say that by the end of the month I was 246 pounds. On February 3, 2011 I made the conscious choice to live a healthy life style but my beginning weight is 246. By the end of the month maybe I lose 6 pounds and on March , 2011 my beginning weight is 240. I know it may sound silly but there is a method to my madness. We have all been up and down. But who is to say what are starting weight was? If I had started this 6 months ago then my weight may have been 240. So my challenge to you is that the beginning of the month you make a conscious decision to live a healthy life style and see what happens. One reason I think this method of thinking may be helpful is because BIG numbers are intimidating. I want to lose 75 or 100 pounds. Big numbers - I can never do that, if I lose 70 am I a failure? If I do reach my goal than people, who are well meaning, say nice things to me and it messes with my head.
If I stick to a monthly start weight and a monthly loss it doesn't seem so huge. It also allows me to get back on track a little bit easier.
PS-If you do the beads in a glass thing I recommend using as small a glass that the beads will fit in. Seeing them overflow the top and balance on each other is a great visual. I could take 20 out and it is still bulging at the top (sort of like my excess tummy and hips). Maybe you don't want to see the beads you have lost. Perhaps it would be better to throw them out at the beginning of the month when you have a new start weight. The lesson here. Do what works for you.

+34 day    
- 11 weight

Red Robin - Yummmm!

I took Tom (hubby) out to dinner last night for his free birthday burger at Red Robin. Since I knew we were going there for dinner I decided to look up the menu online. Let me just say-so cool. You pick the item you want and it shows you a picture and a list of ingredients. You can delete what you don't want on it (like the bun or mayo) and it calculates all the nutritional value. Carbs, calories, sugar and bunch of stuff I don't understand. It made the choices much easier and I have to say the food was really yummy(and since we both had water our bill was really reasonable). Eating slowly, enjoying the company and sticking with good healthy choices made the evening very enjoyable- no regrets.

The restaurant was about a mile from my moms house so we stopped by to drop off some fabric so she can make us jammie pants for Christmas. I came across some lightweight sweatshirt material that I bought a decade ago. It is MN Vikings and Chicago Bears fabric and is 60" wide. I was planning on making a

crocheted fabric rag rug with it. Tom thought it was to nice to use for a rug so we brought it to my mom. 



Current Project

My mom and I started talking about weight and food choices. She started a program the same time I began my program and it is working for her. I have to say that we are definitely mother and daughter as we think alike (insert scary face-lol). She said that she will eat even when she is not hungry because the program allows it-something about left over points. She feels like she is cheating because she eats when not hungry (which seems wrong) but she is losing weight. She is following the programs rules and it is working. I am following my rules and it is working. I think the thing to remember is that you have to find what works for you and give it a chance to work.

+33 day    
- 9 weight

Snow Snow Everywhere

The office closed early on yesterday because of the weather forecast. Really glad I left when I did because it got steadily worse. The snow, ice and the wind. Oh my gosh it wasn't just a strong wind. It was a whipping wind. Going in circles. There was no escaping it.
My plan was to go to the gym before going home (I even brought a change of clothes. Look at em thinking like a grown up.) but the weather was getting worse every minute. Got home and sure enough 15 minutes later we had whiteout conditions. The good news - I was home safe. Not so good news - I did not work out and I knew that today was a 'stay at home day.'
So what to do? Should I shovel for exercise? Speed clean? Go up to Joshua's room (upstairs) and grab the garbage, sheets, some craft stuff, books, etc... and bring them down. I probably could do 6 sets of stairs and not make a dent in the stuff up there.
I am out of ideas. Help me.

+30 day    
- 9 weight

Resting my Body

The body is a funny thing (if you are looking at mine, it is a very funny thing).
I work out and the scale stays the same, but when I take a day off from the gym and weigh myself the following day my weight goes down.
Listen up. I am not saying that if I don't work out for a week it will automatically go down, but this has happened several times in the last month.
So what's up? Some of the articles I have read about weight loss have said something about building muscle and losing fat when you sleep. I am definitely on board if that is the case. Something about exercise and your body continuing to burn fat as you rest/sleep. So maybe taking a day off from my workout allows my body to burn more fat. Anybody out there hear of this phenomenon?

+28 day    
- 9 weight

Hitting the wall

I think I am hitting the wall when it comes to eating right. It is so easy to not think about my food choices and portion control. I haven't completely slipped. Snacking and munching is not the problem but lunch and dinner choices. Maybe it is laziness. If it is prepared for me it is much easier but the lack of planning and shopping has been a downfall. It probably would only take 30 minutes of planning and an hour (at most) of shopping and of course the prepping time. I need some inspiration and some mental energy to just do it.
The silver lining is that I am still enjoying working out. I worked out a few days by myself (just me and my tunes) but yesterday my friend joined me and the time flew by. That is so much more enjoyable. I need some more friends to join me on the treadmill. My knee has been a bit sore ( the weather is not helping) so I don't want to add to much exercise but I still want to go 4-5 times a week and when I feel up to it I will increase the workout times and distance.
So, how should I attack this lazy food problem I am having? I did well when Tom and I made homemade soup together. I cut and chopped and he sauteed. It was easy, yummy and we knew exactly what went in it.
Hmmmm. What do you think? Ideas people I need ideas.



+26 day    
- 7 weight

.75 Miles vs. 1.5 Miles in 15 minutes

When I was on the treadmill last night I was reminiscing about my first time on the treadmill. It was 13 days ago. Not 130 days, not 13 weeks but 13 days.
That first day I hopped on and walked my little heart out. I did not want to push to hard the first week (no pulled muscles or heart attacks) so I walked at a good pace but not super fast. I walked at 3 - 3.4 mph. that first day. I walked .75 miles and it took 15 minutes. It felt good. A brisk walk was a good way to start.
I remember this vividly because my oldest is in the Navy. Now, I love her to pieces and I say this with love. She is an intellectual. She is not my athletic child. She played sports and she is somewhat coordinated but she is busty and running has never been her thing. She tries and she works hard, but it is not easy for her. The Navy requires females (age 20) to run a mile and a half in 14 minutes and 30 seconds. I looked at the treadmill and saw 15 minutes(ish) and I only went half the distance she runs. Wow. I am not dissing what I accomplished I am merely reflecting.
A couple of days ago there was a guy in his 30's running on the treadmill. I mean running. Sweating like a...well I am not sure but something that sweats a lot. Sweating like a glass of ice water on a hot summer day. Yeah like that. I casually glanced at his numbers on the read out and he is going 6 mph. I kept thinking about how fast that was. I could do that for maybe three minutes. Hey, I said maybe. I put it together. I needed the visual of seeing how fast he was running to understand how fast she runs for 14 minutes and 30 seconds.
I have a new respect for her and the hard work she has put in. Grant it, she has been in the Navy for 2 years and therefore has much more exercise under her belt than my 13 days and she is half my age but still, very impressive. Good job baby girl I am proud of you.

+24 day    
- 7 weight

Having a Blast! What the Heck?

I have not exercised for years. YEARS! I play sports occasionally but not a long walk or a gym workout. A long, long time. I do know this about myself. If I play basketball, volleyball or softball with the kids I have fun and don't think of it as exercise because sports are competitive (which I love) but who knew that going to the gym would be fun?

Here's my top 10 for going to the gym. These are in no particular order.

1. Relationships - I catch up with my friend and exercise at the same time. When the teenagers come home from school this summer I will go with them as well
2. I listen to some excellent tunes on my i pod (always puts me in a good mood)
3. It gets me out of the house (and off the couch) and have some 'me' time
4. Sweating. Who knew it would feel so good
5. Increased energy
6. My emotions seem to be more in balance instead of huge ups and downs
7. To focus on nothing. When listening to music I just look out the window and zone out. My days are filled with 'stuff' and it is nice to let it all go. 
8. Increased energy, Seriously. I have been needing less sleep and feeling way better - I don't care if it is all in my head. Whatever it is it's working
9. Losing fat (nuff said)
10. Feeling good about myself. There is very little in life that any of us have control over but I can decide what goes into my body and how I treat my body (as the temple God created)

+21 day    

- 8 weight

I Was Recognized

No, I am not famous nor do I have 'groupies' but I was pointed out
(in a good way).
I was helping out at a mission fair today at one of the district LCMS churches and a friend of mine asked me how much weight I have lost. I looked at her blankly, not knowing what she was talking about.
I saw her when I was 40 pounds lighter and then again when I was 20 pounds lighter and in the last couple of months at my current weight. She then mentioned to her friend that I had started a 'blog' and it clicked. I told her I have lost 8 pounds and then the 3 of us spoke for a few minutes. She had a big smile on her face and it felt good.
I have no idea who reads this or not. I know three people are followers (which just means they get an email when I post-I think) and a couple people have told me they read it. But otherwise, no clue. I think it will be interesting to go back and read what I posted (maybe this summer or when I get discouraged) about how
s-l-o-w-l-y the weight is coming off (we all know that day will come).

+20 day    
- 8 weight

Afraid of a 12" white square?

What is it about this funny little piece of white plastic that has red light up numbers?
It was Thursday morning. I thought of not weighing myself until Sunday but decided against it. Twice a week is reasonable. It will only go up 1-2 pounds (at most) and may go down 1 pound. I have been making good choices for meals and snacks but worried about the 2 cups of rice I had, 1 cup of Frito's or the 1/2 bun I had with my burger. STOP IT! I have been walking past the cookies and candy. I have cut down on empty calories by watching my portion size. I know darn well that I use to have a handful of something every hour or so. The calories of those empty nutrition choices added up. Maybe I would stay the same. That is ok too.

Alright Mr. Scale I am ready. -1 pound. Oh Mr. Scale you are my friend. I like you bunches. I have to say I do love when the second number changes (when you go from 30 to 29) is soooo exciting. I don't know why, but it is the complete opposite of when you have a ZERO birthday. Somehow when you go from 29 to 30 years old you feel a big difference. A milestone. You are only 1 day older than the day before. But it feels like a huge difference. That's how I feel when the scales second number changes. It energizes me.

I think Mr. Scale needs a real name. Maybe that will help me embrace him or make me want to stand on him and crush him. What is a good name for a scale? Suggestions please. The winning name will be announced on Thursday, January 27, 2011.

 +19 day    
- 7weight

Sweating to Burlesque

I saw 'Burlesque' last month with a friend of mine and was skeptical. I thought it would be good or really bad.  I loved it. The story line was decent and moved at a good pace. The casting was ideal and the costumes, makeup, music and dance was absolutely wonderful. I am not a dancer. I am athletic but I can not get my body to move so that it looks like anything other than me having a seizure.
I found the movie soundtrack for $5.99 and quickly loaded it on my computer and i pod. I brought it with me to the gym. After my friend left to pick up her daughter, I asked the young man behind the counter if he could show me how to use the elliptical machine. I told him I have never tried it and know they have two different versions at this gym. He showed me the one he used. I asked which was easier and he said they were about the same but had slight variations. So I asked him which he would put his mother on (since he seemed the same age as my son) and he smiled and said the other one. He showed me how to use it and off I went.
I listened to 2 songs on the soundtrack and the upbeat music made it easy to keep the rhythm of this weird looking contraption. It felt like I was cross country skiing, slightly uphill. It was a good feeling. Easy on my aging body. I do feel a bit of a burn on my quads and tushie but not bad. I didn't want to overdue it and I plan on gradually lengthening my times.

+16 day    
-6 weight

2 week check up

Review of goals and how are we doing?
The goal's are: 75 pounds gone from my body-
30 pounds by Graduation- 20 pounds by 21st birthday - 75 by Leah's birthday
6 pounds gone and I am on my way - All right I have a confession to make. Part of my goal deadline is KellyAnn's 21st birthday but she and her husband are expecting our first grandchild a week after her birthday.

Eat healthy food
Doing well on this one. Portion size and quality nutricous choices. One cup of coffee in the morning, water throughout the day and a flavored (non calorie) water occasionally.

Exercise 3 times a week
5 is more like it. I wanted to go everyday (I am new at this and still excited) but told myself that taking a day off occsionally is good for my body (and my muscles thanked me).

Cut down on soda (one a day and none at a sit down restaurant)
Doing great on this one. Since I was sick it was easy to drink NONE and I just kept it up. I did see someone drinking a diet mountain dew in a resealable bottle and longed for one myself. But I walked away and didn't look back. Of course I didn't know the guy and taking a drink would not have been appropriate so walking away really was the only option.
+14 day    
-6 weight

Was
137 days to Graduation, 227 days to 21st birthday and 365 to Leah's birthday!
Now
123 days to Graduation, 213 days to 21st birthday and 351 to Leah's birthday!